I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
