I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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