Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
