I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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