Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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