Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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