I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
