Heybabeimwearingurpanties
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The air was thick with penises
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
