saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
