Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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