After last night, I could never be a politician.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
