its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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