one might say we're banned from that church
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
