I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
