It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
