Moan for me like Helen Keller
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
