come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
