DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
