saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
