remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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