Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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