does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
North Korea, Best Korea!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
