im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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