hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
