pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
