just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
