Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
