she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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