Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
