I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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