Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
