ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
