Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
