I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
