So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
