i may or may not be watching the land before time
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
