i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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