Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Can't talk, ducks in the car
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
