It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
