My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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