I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
