It's Friday. Sex?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
