i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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