The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
