I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
