In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
