If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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