I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
