I'm so fucking centered right now
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
