When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I AM VODKA MAN
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
